Wednesday, 19 February 2014

Children

As a happily married 29-year-old, there's one question
 I wish people would stop asking me:

"So, when are you going to have children?"

Hubby and I have been married for almost three-and-a-half-years and whilst I appreciate for some that is a long time to be sans-children, for us, it's not. Don't get me wrong, I quite like babies/toddlers (children less so) but I'm perfectly content to have a cuddle, play a few games of pat-a cake and generally soak up all the good parts to being a parent, then, when the harder stuff kicks in, like they start crying, get hungry or need a stinky nappy changing, I'm more than happy to hand them back to their mother/father. As for Hubby, right now, he wouldn't thank you for handing him a baby to hold - he's much happier when he has a furry baby to play with instead. So, today, I'm gonna share with you a number of reasons why I feel the question above is highly inappropriate and bordering on the most inappropriate thing you could ask...

1) Firstly, and most importantly, we're not ready! We're perfectly happy for it to just be the two of us and while I'm sure that'll change one day, we need to decide that for ourselves. If I had £1 for every time someone told me that I was missing out or that I'll wish I did it sooner  when I actually have them, I'd be a millionaire! Seriously, where do you get off telling me how I will feel or implying that my life is currently missing something?! #rude

2) As per point number 1, Hubby and I are not currently trying to get pregnant, but you don't know that, so you also don't know if we're having fertility issues. They're more common than you think and it's hardly the sort of thing to bring up in everyday conversations... "Did you watch Eastenders last night? No, oh well did you know that I'm not ovulating." Hardly! So many couples experience some trouble conceiving, from it taking longer than they thought to miscarriages and stillbirths, so have a bit of respect for the emotional situation someone else might currently be experiencing!

3) The person/s asking are working under the assumption that Hubs and I want children one day. We do, but what if we didn't?! Just because most people procreate doesn't mean everyone wants to; I know a handful of well-informed women who don't ever want children. Children aren't on everyone's radar - don't assume they are!

4) You're not part of our marriage; as with most things you only see our 'highlight reel' so you have no clue as to whether we're actually happy/fighting like cat and dog/on the verge of divorce. You don't know anything meaningful about our individual situation, so (again) don't assume you do!

5) It's actually none of your business!

This post became more of a rant that I had initially expected/wanted, but I guess that's what happens when you write about something that's close to your heart! To summarise, minus the rant, just don't ask any couple, no matter how well you think you know them, when they're having children - wait for them to bring it up! Plus, it'll be a nice surprise when/if then make their pregnancy announcement on their terms.
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7 comments:

  1. I love this post! You made so many great points. I wish people would realize that deciding to have or not to have children is a personal choice. It's quite annoying when people feel the need to poke their nose in, even if they mean well . I actually wrote a post about this not too long ago. :) I'd love your opinion on it.

    http://www.wanderlyn.com/married-with-children-not/

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    Replies
    1. Arrww thanks, Lynsey :) I wish more people, including my family, would realise that having children is a personal choice and nothing to do with them. I'm gonna check out your post now! x

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  2. its a good job i know you personally because there is always another side 1)its ok for hubby to say that his parents have a grandchild, I do not,and they are younger than me. I do not what to miss out on things grand parents do with their grandchildren. I do hope one day when I am long gone you will say you know what the old bastard was right. ok my rant over, love you both to bits

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    1. Dad, you've clearly missed the ENTIRE point of this post.

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  3. We are in the decided "not having kids boat" so I can certainly relate. I have a couple of posts on similar feelings
    http://wp.me/p47aVP-8K

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